So much has happened in the last 3 years since I last blogged. 

Gotten my own place, changed my last name,.. This is the life I wanted. It made me happy. I am happy don't get me wrong. Very happy indeed.

But somehow... some happiness is not forever. The curse that I'm born with, is here to ruin everything again. I thought once I left, the curse cannot be back to haunt me. I'm wrong.

Time and again it will never go away. It will always haunt me.

If I lose my family, I've no one else to blame. It's all because of the curse.

All because of the curse!

The happy family is outside. I'm not anywhere near. So happy. They're so so happy without me.

In the end, pain is still the best resolve.

This is the day where I'll change my name to be someone else's surname.

Having mixed feelings. But hopefully this "new" life will be smooth sailing n problem free. (:

1/7/2013 is the second saddest day of my life. ):

How can I convince you

What you see is real
Who am I to blame you
For doubting what you feel

I was always reachin'
You were just a girl I knew
I took for granted
The friend I had in you

I was living for a dream
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world
That was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever
The search is over
You were with me all the while

Can we last forever
Will we fall apart
At times it's so confusing
The questions of the heart

You followed me through changes
And patiently you'd wait
'Till I came to my senses through
Some miracle of fate

I was living for a dream
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world
That was just my style
Now I look into your eyes

I can see forever
The search is over
You were with me all the while

Now the miles stretch out behind me
Loves that I have lost
Broken hearts lie, victims of the game
Then good luck, it finally struck
Like lighting from the blue
Every highway's leading me back to you

Now at last I hold you
Now all is said and done
The search has come full circle
Our destinies are one

So if you ever loved me
Show me that you give a damn
You'll know for certain
The man I really am

I was living for a dream
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world
That was just my style
Then I touched your hand
I could hear you whisper
The search is over
Love was right before my eyes

Survivor - Search is over



sometimes love really comes to you in the least expected way. open your heart and mind, keep your options open!!

you will never know the returns.

Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.

My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like uh, uh, uh, uh

Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby is dancing, but she's dancing with another man.

Although it hurts I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know
I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours when he has the chance

Take you to every party cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done when I was your man
Do all the things I should have done when I was your man



just so so hooked to this song right now!

I hate that it's not normal. What's so great about what's across.

Another shot of whisky please bartender

Keep it coming til I don't remember at all
How bad it hurts when you're gone (na na na)

Turn the music up a little bit louder
Just gotta get past the midnight hour

Maybe tomorrow it won't
Be
This
Hard
But Who am I kidding
I know what I'm missing
You

I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel

And I
Waited and waited so long
For someone to never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool
I said that I don't care
I'd walk away whatever
And I tell myself we were bad together
But that's just me trying to move on
With
Out
You

But who am I kidding
I know what I'm missing
Hey
I had my heart set on you
But nothing else hurts like you do
Who know that love was so cruel

And I
Waited and waited so long
For someone who never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true

I'm just a fool
For holding on to something that
Is never ever gonna come back
I can't accept that it's lost

I should have let it go
Held my tongue
Can't fight the motion
Cause now everything's so wrong
I'm thrown

I'm just a fool
A fool for you
I'm just a fool

I had my heart set on you
And nothing else hurts like you do
Who knew that love was so cruel

And I
Waited and waited so long
For someone who never come home
It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool
I'm just a fool
I'm just a fool

It's my fault to think you'll be true
I'm just a fool

Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
but bear this mind it was meant to be
and i'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
and it all makes sense to me

i know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile,
you've never loved your stomach or your thighs
the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But i'll love them endlessly

I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth
But if i do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to
i'm in love with you and all these little things

You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
and all those conversations are the secrets that i keep
though it makes no sense to me

i know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape
you never want to know how much you weigh
you still have to squeeze into your jeans
but you're perfect to me

i won't let this little things slips out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things

you never love yourself half as much as i love you
you'll never treat yourself right darling but i want you to
if i let you know, i'm here for you
maybe you'll love yourself like i love you oh

i've just let these little things slips out of my mouth
because it's you, oh it's you, it's you they add up to
and i'm in love with you (all these little things)
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
but if it's true, it's you, it's you they add up to
I'm in love with you, and all your little things

You said "this is a nice photo" but that was with...

I guess mine are the most horrific looking ones since u are too ashamed to have them up.

Your happy memories are always with others. Just not with me.

I choose to believe in negativity. Sorry.

Sometimes maybe certain things aren't just meant to be.

Maybe some things are better to be thrown away.

Happier are times spent without me.
Happier are times when I was with her.

I seriously don't see it. I don't see smiley photos of us.
This is bad.

When life sucks u know u are the only person u can count on. Noone else.

i just hate it. suck! totally. Life is better out there n taking photos with others other than me.

Blood is thicker than water. indeed.
Bcos I'm the water.

Brad paisley - find yourself

When you find yourself in some far off place
and it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly you're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself...

When you make new friends in a brand new town
and you start to think about settling down
The things that would have been lost on you
are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

Well you go through life
so sure of where you're heading
And you wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
because you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself.

When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself

We you go through life
so sure of where we're headed
And we wind up lost
and its the best thing that could have happened
Cause sometimes when you lose your way, its really just as well
Because you find yourself,
Yeah thats when you find yourself.


I thought the comments that others had were rather inspirational too!!! (:
Have a good read


Nostalgia | Reviewer: nicola | 10/10/11

ever since i heard this in Cars, I always sung it to myself or play it in my head cos it's pretty nostalgic. the song speaks about changing yourself for the right things, self-realization and discovering new things through other people's perspectives.

whenever i hear this song, i keep remembering my childhood and who i was back then and i would just fantasize about having a time machine to meet that little girl in the past.

i especially love the part saying that "when you wind up lost, it's the best thing that could have happened, cos sometimes when you lose your way, it's really just as well, because you find yourself". it just reminded me of the little struggles i had back then and how it shaped me.

hearing this song, it just makes me want to become a child again because you experience things with curiosity and innocence


It brings me back to the right road | Reviewer: Dovydas | 3/19/09

Thank You Brad. I became a no-lifer pc games player, even if I am programmer. My grades at school gone bad, even if I was very good student.
I heard the song about half year ago and I liked it very much. But I listened to the words only this night. And it coused me 'to rethink some things'. I hope in the morning I will think the same. Thanks again Brad. I will buy your album! You changed my life. If I will 'meet the one, that I am waiting for' and will marry her (hope this will happen...), at our weddings I will sing 'find your self' for her. Thank you one more time.


It's so true | Reviewer: Señorita | 9/28/08

I've ner weard this song before, it was untill I watched CARS and the I heard it, and It goes perfect to the situation I'm living right now. Its so true, it's not untill you finally find the person you love and wanna be with 4 the rest of your life, and if it wasn't because you or the other person found yourself in another place, and met new friends and new people, you could've never found that special someone if it wasn't for the actual circumstances.



I love it!! | Reviewer: celeste | 2/10/08

It makes me feel sad cause somethimes we need to find things in life to help us to be strong...the film was great! It was there where I heard this song for the very first time and since then I love it. When you find yourself...When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for ...


Beautiful | Reviewer: Brooke | 12/26/07

I first heard this song in Cars, and I've loved it ever since. I especially love the part
"When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself"


I love this song.. | Reviewer: Brooke | 12/14/07

I'd never heard it before, until today.. I was looking through "Brad Paisley" MySpace profiles.. && I found this song on one of the players. The part where he says "When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for
and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself,
yeah that's when you find yourself", that really made me stop and think. That's exactly how I feel about my boyfriend; I didn't truly know myself until I knew him. He amazes me in every single way, and I hope I get to spend the rest of my life with him. He truly made me find myself.. and I love him with every beat of my heart. Thanks Brad, you made me stop and think. This is just another AMAZING song from you to add to the collection=]


Perfect | Reviewer: Anonymous | 11/28/07

When I heard the phrase, When you meet the one, that you've been waiting for and she's everything, that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for someone else
And then you find yourself, yeah that's when you find yourself. I imediately thought of my girlfriend. I just felt thats what it is all about. I have changed as a person because of her. I want to put her before myself and what is important to me is what will make her happy. Excellent song Brad once again puts a song out that different people can say thats about me thats exactly how i feel. Cowboy hat off to you Brad. Can't wait for the next one. Thanks...

The wonder woman in your heart. I'll remember that.

it is always hard to accept someone's passing especially if the someone is really close to you. it's a stage in life. it's the finality of physical life. to me, leaving this world is always the best because we will be free from suffering and pain. free from hurt and harm.

i am not afraid of judgement day. bring it on! and i will finally join you in heaven, my lovely grandma. (: