Can Flirting Be Innocent?
Where do you draw the line between harmless flirting and inappropriate intimacy?
The birds do it, the bees do it. It seems all animals, humans included, are biologically wired to flirt. A smile or subconscious hair toss can be plain fun when you're happily single, but if you're in a relationship things can get blurry. The question is how do you draw the line between innocent flirting and an inappropriate come-on that can jeopardize your current relationship?
When flirting is good clean fun
The truth is, people flirt all the time in order to get help in social situations. Have you ever flirted with a mechanic in order to try to get a discount on getting your car fixed? What about the time you chatted up the waiter in order to get better service? Flirting is a social game we play in these kinds of situations and it's considered an "acceptable" form of flirting by most people.There are benefits to innocent flirting, even if you're attached or married. Flirting can be a huge booster to your self-esteem. People like to hear how good they look and if they catch someone checking them out or smiling at them, it's a compliment.
When things get gray
Things get a bit more complicated when it comes to flirting with colleagues of the opposite sex. A UK research found that casual flirting in the office is rife, often with the motive to hand work over to someone else. Coined "functional flirting" by the researchers, the study found that nearly half (48 percent) of office workers admit to flirting to get their own way in the workplace. Twice as many women as men admit to flirting with their bosses, while men are more likely to focus their attentions on their junior colleagues. "As long as you keep your conversations and actions appropriate, office flirting is really no big deal because everybody does it and it makes my job simpler when others like me," says Jamie, 29, a PR consultant.But some relationship experts warn that all kinds of workplace flirting (including functional flirting) has the potential to turn friendship into an emotional affair. These intimate relationships are usually not based on physical attraction or sex; rather they tend to be based on a strong emotional bond that persists without the complete knowledge and consent of your current spouse. "When a spouse places his or her primary emotional needs in the hands of someone outside the marriage, it breaks the bond of marriage just as adultery does. An emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage and often a more complicated situation to remedy," explains marriage counselor Gary Neuman, author of Emotional Infidelity. And the crux of an emotional affair is that many times, these persons involved are totally unaware that they are being unfaithful, say experts.
Warning signs things are out of control
A little flirting with someone you meet on a regular basis (like a co-worker) can quickly get out of hand. A warning sign that your "friendship" has crossed the line is when your "friend" has become your go-to soulmate for sharing emotional intimacy (hopes, fears, dreams) instead of your spouse. Another tell-tale sign is a diminished relationship with your spouse, such as more fights over small issues, little or no sex, and the feeling that you don't have much in common anymore, warns Neuman. If you find yourself having to lie to your partner about how you relate to someone else, it's a big wake-up call that you need to reassess your relationahip with that person.Always place your relationship in the first spot
Mastering your self-control to flirting boils down to how much you value your relationship and a respect for your partner's feelings, so don't forget what brought you and your partner together in the first place. "It's so easy," says Neuman, "to forget why we fell in love." It's important to constantly "feed" your love with lots of communication and together-time.And however much fun (or benefit) you may have from flirting with other guys, nothing beats flirting with yours. "A lot of people stop flirting once they are in a relationship. Don't. The couple that plays together stays together," urges relationship expert Tracey Cox. When you retain that playful factor in your relationship, you'll keep it from getting stuck in a rut.
i was reading this article online when it makes us think about the things we do in our daily lives. if they are just like how the article wrote it to be. the little flirts we give out here n there to get things done quicker and in the way that we want them to be. are they really harmless? do these "flirts" come back to "haunt" us? did we even think twice when we flirted to get things done?
many a times to get someone to help us, females may "flirt" unconsciously to get someone to finish our job for us. someone being a guy. a manager in my department told us that we should use our female charm if the client is a male, to get him to expedite our requests for schedules and stuffs. it was such a turn off when she said that. i dont deny that male clients do furnish the stuffs that we had requested faster if we smile more at them or talk to them nicely. well most of the time that's the case for me, but we know and can always tell them off if we find them weird. we can always feedback to our managers and they will do something about it. like send someone else to replace us. so we are very protected.
all in all, i believe, as long as you do not have intentions to take the flirt to another level like to INTENTIONALLY become friends or more than friends and know where to draw the line, i think it is alright. its part and parcel of life. just dont cross the line that they are nothing more than working relations, have faith/trust in your partner and dont EVER do anything to jeopardise the relationship that both of you have established.
it is worse when you hide your online chats from your partner and claim that you are only talking to a "friend". you do not know when you will get too emotionally involved with the chatter and talk less often with your partner and always go to the online chatter to share your problems, thinking that he/she is always there for you. he/she can solve your problems for you when you did not realise you ARE already creating a problem for yourself. sometimes when you realise and try to turn back, sometimes it is already too late. noone can be emotionally attached/committed to 2 persons at a time. dont lie to yourself. your partner has been there for you through your ups and downs, thick and thin. you have already crossed the line when you lied to your partner that you are merely chatting with a friend. share your thoughts with your partner no matter what they are. you may know that your partner will disapprove of the things you say but at least, you are sharing them with him/her, the someone who is important to you and not a random stranger whom you thought could replace your partner.
